GODsPariah

I've never had to be truly responsible before.  Now I've graduated from college (after 15 year break), become a counselor and entered into a new level of life.  It seems odd yet I don't hate it.  If I had done this when I was 23 I would never have appreciated it.  I laugh at everything.  There is nothing that I can't find humor in.  Suffering is a gift, and it's how we grow.  So why fight it?  Little things throughout the day make me appreciate the singleness of the Godhead.

Years ago I was having disturbing dreams.  I was in a very dark period of my life and chose to self-medicate at the time.  The dreams were long and epic stories, not terrible in themselves.  However, the texture of everything, even people, was creepy, evil, corroded.  It felt and smelled like the event horizon of insanity.  The content of the dreams would even sometimes be pleasurable reflections of old parties and music.  But everything was WRONG.  It didn't look wrong or sound wrong but it felt dirty and corrupt.  Then I would wake up and feel like I was polluted inside.  It affected my whole day, made me feel like I was dirty and only half

There once was a small boy who lived with a huge hole inside where his soul should have been. He experienced God's love as angry claws digging into his being. For 30 years he tried to fill that hole and hide from the claws. But they grew worse. He hated everyone and everything, he was all ego and fear. Then one day he thought he was dead. He closed his eyes and waited. Only to wake up in the hospital. Broken in body but with a brand new thought, an epiphany. He AWOKE! REBORN from the ashes of destruction he had caused. The claws he saw were actually gentle hands guiding him outside of himself. He had only thought they were pernicious. Time st